Tuesday, September 16, 2014

The taste of depression: Black burgers

Black burgers

Just joking.  They're actually quite cheerful!  These Burger King black burgers are like the Hamlet of burgers, at least visually.  I don't know if they're prone to seeing ghosts or indecisive in pursuing revenge.  Or, if you like your cultural references more modern, they're the Darth Vader of burgers.  At least in the photo attached to the article they're somewhat Sith-like in that there are two of them.  Always two.  One master and one apprentice.

Burger King existed in Japan for a while then gave up because they couldn't compete with McDonald's all-pervasive presence and grip on the Japanese fast food consumer's appetite.  Makku has been slipping of late, but Burger King had already made a comeback.  I stop by the outlet in Shibuya on occasion to eat a Whopper, which I find a superior burger to the Big Mac or even Quarter Pounder.  But I haven't seen one of these black burgers.  This is their third go-around and I'll be giving them a miss again this time.

Why?  Well, there are no Burger King restaurants in this city.  And I'm not going to Tokyo anytime soon, probably not until the black burgers have retired to whatever mysterious realm of the senses from which they originally sprang.  A culinary dreamland, no doubt.  Nightmare to some, fantasy to others. 

I admit I'm curious about the taste, but I do have two other concerns that are preventing me from finding one or both of these burgers.  One is the cheese looks like a partially-melted plastic square, much like the monstrosity I once created with one of those electric molding toys popular in the 1960s-80s before people decided it was a bad idea to give kids molten rubber goo to play with.  The other is I'm afraid the squid ink will discolor my mouth and make me look like Uncle Fester's skinny Goth little brother.

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