111-year-old Japanese man becomes world's oldest
Centenarians are cool. If you manage to hit triple digits, you've accomplished something rare and wonderful. I'm not generally one of those "the world is a horrible place" people, but let's be realistic. It is a dangerous place. As they say, most accidents happen in the home. And your bathroom is the most dangerous room there. So stay out of the bathroom and pee and poop in your living room and allow the family dog to lick your body clean every morning so you can avoid setting foot in the kitchen as well. Then you stand a pretty decent chance of beating Sakari Momoi's total. Or Misao Okawa's.